Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
