there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize