On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
