I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
