The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
