Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(318): View more from Louisiana

That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch

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(318): That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch http://tfl.nu/faw2

Replies (4) Good night (1407) Bad night (663)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.

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(843): Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca. http://tfl.nu/m05t

Replies (21) Good night (883) Bad night (2839)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.

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(505): My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut. http://tfl.nu/nzlu

Replies (18) Good night (4502) Bad night (858)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.

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(724): He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him. http://tfl.nu/jd1k

Replies (23) Good night (3368) Bad night (890)
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(415): View more from California

I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?

(510): View more from California

I hope so

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(415): I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die? (510): I hope so http://tfl.nu/tt2l

Replies (41) Good night (2289) Bad night (5325)
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(805): View more from California

he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.

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(805): he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet. http://tfl.nu/znz0

Replies (11) Good night (929) Bad night (3762)
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(907): View more from Alaska

How are you feeling today?

(330): View more from Ohio

i could've thrown up on command at any point today...

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(907): How are you feeling today? (330): i could've thrown up on command at any point today... http://tfl.nu/ewp1

Replies (10) Good night (1233) Bad night (4677)
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(970): View more from Colorado

There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better

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(970): There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better http://tfl.nu/7u74

Replies (3) Good night (2626) Bad night (1393)
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(251): View more from Alabama

2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary

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(251): 2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary http://tfl.nu/6uuf

Replies (8) Good night (1067) Bad night (1717)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.

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(918): He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it. http://tfl.nu/hmj1

Replies (6) Good night (722) Bad night (2027)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."

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(617): I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes." http://tfl.nu/5alc

Replies (31) Good night (3562) Bad night (1512)
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(512): View more from Texas

I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?

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(512): I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts? http://tfl.nu/sh8w

Replies (13) Good night (1346) Bad night (1410)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.

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(570): A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5. http://tfl.nu/uyai

Replies (3) Good night (1000) Bad night (411)
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(925): View more from California

I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy

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(925): I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy http://tfl.nu/28xl

Replies (14) Good night (2051) Bad night (778)
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(339): View more from Massachusetts

Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.

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(339): Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird. http://tfl.nu/knwb

Replies (0) Good night (470) Bad night (284)

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