I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.