Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(217): View more from Illinois

I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?

(847): View more from Illinois

haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.

(217): View more from Illinois

... oops

Fav 4 1442 756
share tweet
(602): View more from Arizona

Duck Duck Cougar?

Fav 2 3036 847
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(703): View more from Virginia

so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.

Fav 26 10697 1889
share tweet
(815): View more from Illinois

I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.

Fav 22 8432 2026
share tweet
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Read it at the TFLN blog
(317): View more from Indiana

Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.

Fav 15 1399 4437
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there

Fav 3 1130 2494
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?

(1+44): View more from

It's a podium place so yeah...

Fav 8 1583 668
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(818): View more from California

That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.

Fav 3 149 88
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(231): View more from Michigan

I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.

(989): View more from Michigan

If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.

Fav 0 58 0
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT