i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas