dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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