Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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