So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
