drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
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I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
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God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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