I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
