I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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