is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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