the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
