you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
