I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
