I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
