The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
