I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
