He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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