You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
