They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
