i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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