Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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