Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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