Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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