Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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