u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
