I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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