the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
