I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize