Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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