I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
