if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
