I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
