if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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