we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I will be naked everywhere
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
