I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
