There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
