Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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