yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
