Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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