I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
