you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
