I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
