The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
