He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
