you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
