proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
