Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
