So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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