So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
