i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
