We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
