I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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