I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
