i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
