I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
