I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
