nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
