Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
