Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
