clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
