I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
