just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
